February 15, 2026
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What Not to Do When Dealing with Anxiety: 7 Common Mistakes to Avoid

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Let's be real. When anxiety hits, your first instinct isn't to pull out a textbook on cognitive behavioral therapy. You just want the feeling to stop. Now. So you reach for whatever seems like it might work, often based on advice you've heard a million times or a gut feeling that promises quick relief.

Here's the problem: a lot of those gut reactions and common tips are dead wrong. They're like pouring gasoline on a fire you're trying to put out. I've seen it time and again—clients who are smart, motivated people, yet their anxiety isn't getting better. When we dig in, we almost always find they're diligently practicing one or more of these seven counterproductive strategies.

This isn't about blame. It's about clarity. Knowing what not to do is half the battle in managing anxiety effectively.

Mistake #1: The Avoidance Trap

This is the big one. The king of all anxiety mistakes. Your heart races at the thought of a work presentation, so you call in sick. Social gatherings make you feel judged, so you decline every invitation. You feel panic rising in a grocery store, so you leave your cart and bolt for the car.

The relief is immediate and powerful. You escaped! But your brain logs a critical piece of data: "Danger was real. Escape was necessary." It doesn't learn that you could have handled it. It learns that the only thing between you and catastrophe was your ability to run away.

Next time, the anxiety about that same trigger will be stronger, and come faster. Your world starts to shrink. I once worked with a musician who loved performing but began having panic attacks on stage. He started by canceling big shows, then smaller gigs, then rehearsals. Within a year, he couldn't play in front of his own band. Avoidance had systematically dismantled his passion.

What to do instead: Graded Exposure. Don't jump into the deep end. If crowded malls trigger you, don't go at Saturday peak hour. Go on a Tuesday morning for 5 minutes. Just walk in, feel the anxiety, and walk out. The goal isn't to feel nothing—it's to prove to your brain you can tolerate the discomfort and that nothing catastrophic happens. The Anxiety and Depression Association of America outlines this as a core component of effective treatment.

Mistake #2: The 'Just Stop Worrying' Command (To Yourself or Others)

"Calm down." "Just don't think about it." "Stop worrying, it's silly."

If you've ever been on the receiving end of that, you know how utterly useless it feels. It adds frustration and shame to the anxiety soup. When you say it to yourself, it's even more insidious. You're now failing at two things: the original worry, and the command to stop worrying. Psychologists call this "meta-worry"—worrying about worrying.

Your brain doesn't process negatives well. Telling yourself "don't think about your heart pounding" instantly makes you focus on your heart pounding. It's the pink elephant effect.

I catch myself doing this with clients sometimes, early in my career I'd think "just guide them to relaxation." It never worked. You have to meet the worry where it is, not where you wish it was.
What to do instead: Practice Cognitive Defusion. Instead of fighting the thought, create distance from it. Label it: "Ah, there's the 'I'm going to fail' story again." Thank your mind: "Thanks, mind, for trying to protect me by pointing out potential danger." This sounds weird, but it robs the thought of its commanding power. You're observing the worry, not being consumed by it.

Mistake #3: Relying Solely on Distraction

Binge-watching TV, playing video games for hours, diving into a work project to avoid feelings—these are all forms of mental escape. Distraction has its place as a short-term strategy to get through a spike of anxiety. But when it's your primary tool, it becomes another form of avoidance.

You're not processing anything. You're just hitting the pause button. The anxiety waits for you in the quiet moments—when the show ends, when you close the laptop at 2 AM. It hasn't been addressed; it's been temporarily drowned out. This can lead to a cycle of constant busyness and a deep fear of stillness or silence.

What to do instead: Schedule Worry Time. This is a classic CBT technique that sounds counterintuitive but works. Set a strict 15-minute appointment with yourself each day to worry. Write down all your anxious thoughts. When anxiety pops up outside that time, tell yourself, "I'll address that during my worry time at 5 PM." This contains the anxiety and prevents it from hijacking your entire day, while still allowing processing to occur in a controlled setting.

Mistake #4: The Self-Criticism Spiral

"Why am I like this?" "I'm so weak." "Everyone else can handle this, what's wrong with me?"

This inner critic might feel like you're holding yourself accountable or trying to motivate yourself. In reality, you're adding a layer of shame and self-loathing on top of the original anxiety. Now your nervous system is dealing with two threats: the external trigger and an internal attack from your own thoughts.

Research is very clear on this. Studies, including those cited by resources like Harvard Health Publishing, consistently show that self-criticism is strongly linked to increased anxiety and depression, while self-compassion is linked to greater emotional resilience.

What to do instead: Talk to yourself like a friend. Seriously. If your best friend called you, voice shaking, saying they were having a panic attack before a meeting, would you say, "Ugh, you're so pathetic, just get over it"? Of course not. You'd be kind. You'd validate their feeling. Try putting your hand on your heart and saying something simple like, "This is really hard right now. It's okay to feel this way." It feels awkward at first, but it changes the biochemical environment in your body from one of attack to one of support.

Mistake #5: Isolating Yourself

Anxiety loves to tell you that you're a burden. "Don't bother them with your problems." "They'll think you're crazy." "You'll just bring down the mood." So you cancel plans. You stop returning texts. You hide.

Isolation cuts you off from your most powerful antidote to anxiety: connectedness. It also lets the anxious thoughts echo in a chamber with no reality check. When you're alone, your worst-case scenario can spin into a full-blown epic without anyone to gently say, "Hey, that might be the anxiety talking."

What to do instead: Practice Vulnerability with a Safe Person. You don't need to announce your anxiety to the world. Choose one trustworthy person. Say something specific and manageable: "I've been feeling really on edge about work lately, and it helps just to tell someone." Often, the act of saying it out loud diminishes its power. Connection, even small amounts, regulates our nervous system.

Mistake #6: Misusing Alcohol, Caffeine, or Other Substances

Let's break this into two big offenders.

Alcohol & Benzos (The "Downers")

Having a drink to "take the edge off" social anxiety or using a prescription benzo like Xanax anytime you feel uneasy is a slippery slope. The substance works—too well. It teaches your brain that chemical intervention is the only solution. This can lead to dependency and, crucially, prevents you from developing your own internal coping skills. The rebound anxiety when the substance wears off is often worse.

Caffeine & Stimulants (The "Uppers")

This one sneaks up on people. That third cup of coffee, the energy drink to push through afternoon fatigue. Caffeine is a potent stimulant that directly mimics the symptoms of anxiety: increased heart rate, jitteriness, restlessness. You might be fueling the very fire you're trying to put out.

Substance Common Misuse in Anxiety Why It Backfires
Alcohol "Just one to relax" before social events. Reduces inhibition in the moment but increases baseline anxiety, disrupts sleep, creates psychological dependence on a crutch.
Caffeine Multiple coffees/energy drinks to combat fatigue from anxious sleep. Directly stimulates the nervous system, mimicking and amplifying physical anxiety symptoms like a racing heart.
Non-Prescribed Benzos Using someone else's "as needed" pill for any discomfort. Prevents development of natural coping skills, high risk of tolerance and dependence, dangerous withdrawal.
What to do instead: Audit and Adjust. Track your caffeine intake for a week. Try cutting it in half or switching to decaf after noon. If you use alcohol consistently to manage social anxiety, commit to attending one event per month without it. For prescription medications, work closely with a doctor. The goal is to use them as a temporary scaffold while you build lasting skills, not as a permanent ceiling.

Mistake #7: The Digital Doomscroll

You feel a pang of anxiety. You pick up your phone. You scroll through news (full of threats), social media (full of curated perfect lives), or dive into a rabbit hole of medical symptoms.

This isn't relaxation. It's a high-stimulus, passive form of stress consumption. Algorithms are designed to feed you content that elicits a reaction—fear, outrage, envy—because that keeps you engaged. You're voluntarily flooding your mind with more threat signals. The blue light also disrupts your sleep cycle, and poor sleep is a massive anxiety amplifier.

It creates a vicious cycle: Feel anxious -> Seek distraction on phone -> Consume stress-inducing content -> Feel more anxious and agitated -> Have trouble sleeping -> Wake up more fatigued and vulnerable to anxiety.

What to do instead: Implement Digital Boundaries with Teeth. Don't just say "I'll use my phone less." Make it physical. Charge your phone outside the bedroom. Use app timers that actually lock you out. For the 60 minutes before bed, make your phone off-limits. Replace the scroll with a tangible, low-stimulus activity: read a physical book, do a simple puzzle, listen to calm music. This gives your nervous system the down-regulation it desperately needs.

Your Anxiety Questions Answered

Is avoiding situations that cause anxiety a good long-term strategy?
No, avoidance is one of the most common and counterproductive mistakes. While it provides immediate relief, it reinforces the belief that the situation is dangerous and your anxiety is insurmountable. Over time, your world shrinks as you avoid more triggers. The brain learns that safety came from running away, not from facing the fear. Effective treatment, like exposure therapy, involves gradually and safely confronting feared situations to retrain your brain's response.
Why is telling myself or someone else to 'just stop worrying' ineffective?
Anxiety isn't a logical choice you can turn off. Telling yourself 'stop worrying' creates a secondary layer of stress—now you're anxious about being anxious. This is called meta-worry. It's like being told not to think of a pink elephant. The command itself brings the unwanted thought to the forefront. A more useful approach is to acknowledge the worry ('I'm noticing I'm feeling anxious about X'), then gently redirect your focus to a grounding activity or challenge the worry's validity with evidence.
Can being hard on myself for feeling anxious make it better?
Absolutely not. Self-criticism ('I'm so weak for feeling this way,' 'I should be over this by now') adds a layer of shame to the existing anxiety. You're now dealing with anxiety *and* feelings of inadequacy. This creates a vicious cycle: anxiety leads to self-criticism, which increases stress, which fuels more anxiety. Practicing self-compassion—treating yourself with the same kindness you'd offer a struggling friend—has been shown in numerous studies to lower anxiety levels and increase resilience.
How does constantly scrolling through social media or news affect anxiety?
It acts as a potent anxiety amplifier. The algorithms are designed to show content that elicits strong emotional reactions, including fear and outrage. This creates a distorted view of reality where threats seem omnipresent. Furthermore, the blue light and constant stimulation disrupt sleep and prevent your nervous system from down-regulating. It's a form of passive, high-stress consumption that leaves you feeling drained and more vigilant. Setting strict digital boundaries is not a luxury for anxiety management; it's a necessity.

The path out of chronic anxiety isn't about finding a magic trick to make it disappear. It's about slowly, consistently, stopping the things that feed it. It's about swapping the instinct to avoid, criticize, and escape for the courage to feel, be kind, and connect. Start by picking just one of these mistakes—maybe the one that resonated most—and try the "what to do instead" for a week. You're not erasing anxiety. You're building a new relationship with it, where it doesn't get to call the shots anymore.